On the streets of Fillydelphia
(( Sorry this took so long. For the people who forgot, we’re moving into flashback territory. So meet Babbu Crackpot and Mama Crackpot (she’s a rather blunt individual).
I’ll now try and get back into a quicker update scheduled. ))
Just too cute.
im gonna PEE MYSLEF
I was holding my hands over my mouth and trying not to scream. Oh. My. God.
I’m literally crying because of how hard I’m laughing right now.
OH GOD I’M CRYING !!!
This should be the TV advert for that condom brand.
SCREAMING
fshgfhFSGSD
omfGGI’M SCREAMING
I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA POP AND THEN THAT.
i am aCTUALLY CRYING OMG THIS JUST MADE MY LIFE
omfg
listen to that guy
“aHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
“aHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”
READY FOR SOME VEGGIE FRIED RICE?
NO YOU FUCKING AREN’T, DON’T BE AN IDIOT, BUT MAYBE YOU CAN PREPARE SOME TO FEED TO YOUR CLASSY-ASS FRIENDS!
LOOK AT YOUR MIRROR
NOW BACK TO ME
NOW BACK TO YOUR MIRROR
NOW BACK TO ME
SADLY,YOU’RE NOT ME, BUT IF YOU STOPPED BEING A COWARD ABOUT FOOD AND STARTED BEING FUCKING METAL, YOU COULD BE LIKE ME.
WHAT’S THIS IN YOUR HAND?
IT’S RICE, WHICH YOU HARVESTED FROM THE PADDIES, EACH GRAIN SELECTED WITH TWEEZERS MADE FROM THE BONES OF A HUMMINGBIRD.
LOOK TO YOUR KITCHEN - IS THERE A PAN WITH WATER READY? IF NOT, YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS INTO GEAR, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO SHOVE 1 CUP OF RICE WITH 2 CUPS OF WATER, AND BOIL THAT SHIT!
IF YOU’RE A LAZY MOTHERFUCKER, YOU CAN JUST USE A RICE COOKER.
IF YOU WANT A BUTTERY FLAVOR, SLAP A TABLESPOON OF BUTTER INTO THAT POTENTIAL BEAUTY.
IF YOU’RE A SUPER-CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER WITH A LOT OF TIME ON YOUR HANDS, YOU CAN TAKE 10 MINUTES OR SO TO RINSE OFF YOUR RICE BEFORE COOKING IT. SHOVE IT IN A BOWL AND RUN WATER OVER IT, AND SCRUB AT IT UNTIL THE WATER RUNS MOSTLY CLEAR.
THAT BULLSHIT MAKES RICE STICKIER, AND KICKS ALL THE STARCH DUST IN THE FACE!
JOIN YOUR MANSERVANT IN THE GARDEN TO COLLECT ¼ CUP ZUCCINI, ¼ CUP CHERRY TOMATOES AND THE UNBORN EMBRYO OF ONE CHICKEN. THAT MEANS AN EGG, OBLIVIOUS ASSHOLE.
YOU’LL ALSO NEED TO FLING YOURSELF INTO THE FUTURE. (USE OF A POLICE BOX IS, OF COURSE, OPTIONAL. IF YOU’RE AN ANGEL WITH THE POWER TO FLY THERE YOURSELF, FEEL FREE TO ABUSE THOSE POWERS)
ONCE YOU’VE ARRIVED IN THE FUTURE (OR THE CURRENT PRESENT) YOU CAN OBTAIN ONE CAN OF BLACK BEANS. DRAIN AND RINSE THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS AND SET THEM ASIDE FOR LATER.
STARE AT A PILE OF VEGETABLES UNTIL THEY SHRIEK WITH FEAR AND CRY ⅛ CUP OF VEGETABLE BROTH FOR YOUR CONSUMPTION.
RUDELY SHOVE THE DICED ZUCCHINI, HALVED TOMATOES AND BEANS INTO A SAUCEPAN, ON HOLY-FUCKING HIGH FOR A SINGLE MINUTE.
POWER-DRIVE THE COOKED RICE INTO THE PAN, AND MIX IT ALL TOGETHER FOR ANOTHER MINUTE.
SPOUT YOUR DEEPEST, DARKEST FEARS AT THE BROTH UNTIL IT AGREES TO MERGE WITH THE VEGETABLES IN ORDER TO MAKE YOU HAPPY. MAKE SURE IT APOLOGIZES ESPECIALLY HARD FOR ALLOWING YOU TO WATCH THE REICHENBACH FALL WITHOUT BEING READY TO DOLE OUT HUGS.
STIR EVERY 30 SECONDS OR SO, FOR 5-7 MINUTES.
DONT LET THAT BULLSHIT BURN.
PUSH ALL THAT VEGGIE GOODNESS TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE PAN, CARVING A HOLE IN THE CENTER OF YOUR CREATION LARGER THAN THE HOLE IN JOHN WATSON’S HEART. GRIND IN SOME BLACK PEPPER FOR GOOD MEASURE.
CRACK THE EGG INTO THAT SPOT, THEN ATTACK IT WITH YOUR SPOON/SPATULA UNTIL IT IS SCRAMBLED AND COOKED. THAT’LL TAKE ABOUT 3 MINUTES.
MIX IT ALL TOGETHER, AND SERVE WITH SOME CHEESE FLUNG ON TOP, AND A SMIRK ON YOUR FACE.
IF YOU’RE A VEGAN MOTHERFUCKER, YOU DON’T HAVE TO USE THE EGG OR CHEESE. MAYBE TOFU AND VEGGIE CHEESE INSTEAD?
YOU CAN ALSO ADD A CAN OF DRAINED MIXED VEGGIES ALONGSIDE THE BEANS, BUT YOU’LL NEED TO COOK FOR ANOTHER 2 MINUTES LONGER AT THAT STEP.
GOOD JOB, YOU MAJESTIC ASSHOLE, YOU JUST MADE SOME VEGGIE FRIED RICE.
I know a ton of you have been waiting for this one. Teaching you to make your own plastic keychains!
To start off, I think the biggest question everyone has is what I use to make them. I work with shrink film. You might be familiar with Shinky Dink brand shrink film as a kid. I use Grafix brand white inkjet shrink film. The inkjet kind is relatively pricey compared to the regular kind. If you’re using regular, I don’t recommend you stick it in your printer. Sharpie markers would be good for that.
Alright, now open up the file with the images that you’re working with. Make sure your images are a lot bigger than you want your finished product to be since they shrink significantly.
You’ll also want to lighten the opacity to about half. I go somewhere between 50-60%.
Now print your image out! I’ve found that it works best for me when I have it at the plain paper setting, and standard print quality.
Holepunch with a 1/4” holepuncher BEFORE you shrink them. It’s so much more work to have to punch holes when your plastic is thick!
Cut out your design, leaving the amount of border you want.
Set them on a tray for convenience. An aluminum foil sheet works too, but I recommend cookie trays because they are easier and quicker to get out of the oven.
Preset heat. Your shrink film package will tell you what temperature to set it at, but I find that it isn’t always accurate for me. I generally set temperature to 350 degrees or so.
Put them in the oven. Remember to keep track of time! I leave them in for about a minute and a half.
After time is up they should be super small! Magic!
If your charms are not flat, put something heavy on it right out of the oven when they are still hot and malleable.
If you’d like to, you can seal them now. In my last two batches, I used clear topcoat nail polish. The problem with that is that I need between 3-5 coats of it, and it takes a while to dry. I’ve been experimenting with modpodge.
For lariats, you can use jump rings or lobster clasps.
Here is one that I made that wasn’t sealed. The finished texture after shrinking is a little bit rough. There’s nothing wrong with leaving them unsealed, but because they are inkjet printed, the colors wash right of without protection.
This is one that was sealed with modpodge. The colors become a little more vibrant and smooth and water resistant. Things often get stuck on when applying or drying so be careful.
These ones down here were sealed with clear nail polish. They come out shiny if you put enough coats, but the grainy texture will still be there.
Well, there ya go! Have fun making your own keychains!
Tell your friends, it’s SWAG.MOV!
In this emotional series finale, Rainbow Dash teaches Twilight Sparkle the true meaning of friendship by destroying the universe. Meanwhile, Spike gets his wiener caught in a coke bottle.
Thanks for watching everybody!
Lawful Good: Goliad - Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. Lawful good can be a dangerous alignment when it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.
Neutral Good: Billy- Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. Neutral good can be a dangerous alignment when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.
Chaotic Good: Finn - Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit. Chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.
Lawful Neutral: Princess Bubblegum - Lawful neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you are reliable and honorable without being a zealot. Lawful neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it seeks to eliminate all freedom, choice, and diversity in society.
True Neutral: Marceline - Neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. Neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.
Chaotic Neutral: Jake - Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society’s restrictions and a do-gooder’s zeal. Chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.
Lawful Evil: Flame Princess - Lawful evil creatures consider their alignment to be the best because it combines honor with a dedicated self-interest. Lawful evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents methodical, intentional, and frequently successful evil.
Neutral Evil: The Lich - Neutral evil beings consider their alignment to be the best because they can advance themselves without regard for others. Neutral evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents pure evil without honor and without variation.
Chaotic Evil: Hunson Abadeer - Chaotic evil beings believe their alignment is the best because it combines self-interest and pure freedom. Chaotic evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents the destruction not only of beauty and life but also of the order on which beauty and life depend.
